Sunday, December 2, 2012

Roman Candles

I haven't done justice to what I called real-time "blogging" for the past few weeks. I wasn't able to come up with interesting ideas or stuff to write about, apart from the poems in which I repressed my feelings in a ramble of unfinished lines and imagery. It's hard to be satisfied about what one writes. There are emotions involving things that appear out of the blue and one is tempted to add more to it, make it undecipherable and more complex than ever, rather than end a poem in peace. 

As Earnest Hemingway had it said, "There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed."

So, this post is going to be about unsaid and trivial things that we ignore and take for granted, on an almost daily basis. I sound pretty sombre already. But that this is not on a sad note, it's just to perk us up a bit. It's about exuding a positive aura, to take experiences and turn them into lessons of learning. 

Around the 18th of last month, I was blue all over again. Like being sloshed in mud and depraved of feeling good about myself. But I stepped out of it, as a wanderer steps out of the boat as he reaches a destination. I took to reading, spent time on the Internet, wrote poetry, admired heroic characters in books and slept, for my love of reading had been rekindled. I was rejoicing with the realization of being comfortable in my own company. 

It felt good by not being able to feel for a while. But one can't help being solitary or straying for too long. Jack Kerouac said, "The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars..." And so, the love for people still burns...


Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Hideously Green

That green-eyed hulk,
the monster from hell.
Exuding wrath; shame
being too trivial for him
to heed. Risk it all, with
blood thickly spewing
resentment in the veins,
many heart-thumping
rushes and fancy-free
meditation to spar with
holier-than-thou thoughts,
as they recede into a distant
canopy of violins playing
with a melody of pain,
fear and ire. The green
eyes smolder as deep
emeralds in the pits of
a fire, and churn with
greed. For what is; and
what could not be.

Sunday, November 25, 2012

Books and flowers..

Over the edge of insanity and
back again to a place where
I belong, in the garden of books,
flowers and champagne; a
treasury of thoughts, weighed
in gold and forged in timelessness.
They present to me, a world
of possibilities; of escapism
from an immoral world, I
run but not too far away.
Not for the lack of moral
fiber, but to a happier place...



“I hate to hear you talk about all women as if they were fine ladies instead of rational creatures. None of us want to be in calm waters all our lives.” ~ Jane Austen, Persuasion

Balderdash

Okay, so here goes...

It's a Saturday afternoon, and I'm Spongebob in my favorite shorts, still too lazy to get out of the bed. And hail Patrick, the bed and I just luurve it. What's more, special thanks to the milky texture of bengali sweets. I've been eating kaju-barfi, since last night. It's only a matter of time before I bloat up like Spongebob! I have also been craving chocolate cake to sate my sweet-tooth. I may just get one and eat it all to drown out the misery and innate "noob"-iness, as a dear friend had once put it.

So as calories come, there's no turning back. The fat I'm amassing in this temple of mine. I'm a baby after all. And one can't blame babies with a said prerogative. Sickening, isn't it? You might just be wrong, 'cuz I'm only but seeking to satisfy a craving for something that's mysteriously upsetting, filling in the empty spaces with rare treats. It's giving me a sense of false release... the binge-eating. Hence, I must stop. Period.

On the brighter side, I have the whole weekend to myself. I will catch up on some reading. "The Casual Vacancy" - I would have donated a kidney to write it, serious stuff that it is. No more Potter-boys, bravado, fancies or magic to come to the rescue. J.k. Rowling has written her most serious book yet. I will most likely be posting a review once I'm done with it. Till then, adios amigos. 

Friday, November 23, 2012

Sky-fall

It's like being plunged
into a sky-fall; I don't
quite like the anticipation
of what could be danger below.
It's the clouds that mist
over the horizon to the far
left. And in this sinking pit of
feeling, a crushing despair
reverberates deep in my belly;
an echo after another echo,
the jolting crunch being too
physically agonizing, for me
to make a sound.

It's like my impaled heart
gave out moments before
I hit reality, as a rock that hits
the calm ocean. The fullness of
the deep waters, measuring
the empty spaces in my
heart which skipped beats;
moments before that sickening
crunch, before I lost control.

Thursday, November 22, 2012

Stray thoughts...

Character be defined by one's ability or strength to pull out of situations, sometimes such situations people simply must go through.

Rather than foolishly ranting about it, I am the person who points out the positive side and talks about something good that I learned from it.
And no, I am not ashamed to speak out anymore. Not afraid of the world anymore, nor the opinions that people would form about me.
'Cuz getting hurt has scared me enough. If I'm to get hurt again, it's gonna be for a reason. And I control all those reasons,

I am what I wanna be, and I speak out for myself; I am Me. And for those of you who speak, I don't give a rap... :)

Monday, November 19, 2012

the Commandments

Time for some emotional house-cleaning…

1. Get into J-school.

2. Become a prolific writer/speaker.

3. Be the kind of person who is happy doing her thing, i.e. satisfied in her job.

4. Be more vocal about thoughts and anything else that counts as well.

5. Fear no one and dare to dream.

6. Set my own benchmarks; personal goals.

7. Earn. Speak and just live!

8. And don't forget to eat.

9. Forget 'bout yogi-bears and stuffed toys.

10. Be what you want - an independent girl.

11. While you're at this, don't get lost in the chase and forget to play.

12. Read voraciously. And love the subtler things such as the weather, chocolate pastries and eye-candies.

13. Adopt a homeless puppy, play with it and give it the endless love you have left to give.

14. Travel, do some sight-seeing. Meet some new people.

15. Have stories to tell, take lots of pictures. Blog!

16. Address issues of society and the world that are longing to be written about.

17. Admire nature. Go back to the age of romanticism. Read P.Shelley, Lord Byron and John Keats.

18. Stow away your books, preserve them; archive them or set up a personal library.

19. Think before being such a self-obsessed, compulsive megalomaniac.

20. Drink diet coke and eat falafel.

Sunday, November 18, 2012

Conundrum of the wave and the stretched rubber band.

Theory of Waves.
  • Waves. They are but jolty currents, as one rises the other falls. 
  • Duality. They are dual in nature, which goes to show that they can function independently (as particles, as well as waves).
    [Note: The migration of particles from a higher region to a lower region, and then back again, can be collectively termed as a "wave". There can be a sudden shift in the behavior of a particle to that of a wave, with or without prior notice.]
  • Storms. Waves are formed due to undercurrents that cause the movement of a calm medium, or water-body. In short, waves can lead to heavy tides, and then emotional flooding occurs which can lead to a storm, then an "emotional wreck"-ing occurs.
  • Tides. Tides are time-dependent, vary with respect to time. The amplitude of the wave depends upon the conditions of weather; temperature, friction in the atmosphere and the amount of love received. Tides are invariably a measure of this. High tides bring waves with high currents, and are therefore dangerous.
  • Love. It is an emotional variable that Venetians cannot live without.  [Note: It is a dimensionless quantity.]
Theory of the Stretched Rubber Band.
  • Behavior. It is an innate quality. The stretching, may or may not depend on the wave. It denotes the pulling away of the rubber-band from the abject of solace; it is a springing behavior.  
    [Note: this is independent of the dimensionless quantity, love].
  • Coefficient of elasticity. There can only be as much stretching as the value of the coefficient allows. If the band overstretches, it refuses to come back to its original position; or there can be an occasional stretching, without prior notice. But it still keeps coming back to the said position.
  • Space. It is a measure of the personal space the said Martian receives, and is dependent on time.
    [Note: Space-time is a relative measure of the coefficient c, it can be related to the intensity of love; that which can travel at the speed of light.]
  • Power. The greater the stretch, the more the force of the springing rubber-band. And the faster it bounces back towards its original position. 
  • Acquisition. The main abject of a springing rubber band is autonomy, acquisition of wealth, vigor and a healthy challenge. Innate qualities of a Martian and the ones that they live by.

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Born to die... Caged!!

Time for a bit of realistic thinking...

No more heady rushes, with my head in the clouds and hoping that great things will happen. Maybe it's time to put an end to exciting "bucket-lists", wisecracks and heck of the moment ideas! It's now time to choose, and I must choose wisely. I need all the help I can get.

It's marred idealism that rules society with religious and ethical norms. But mostly it's the double standards that have withstood the test of time, its something that youth has relentlessly sought to change. I always wanted to be a thinker, to think out of the box and not be particularly influenced by the things that people usually succumb to. I don't want to be the pretty bird in a gilded cage. And I don't ever want to lose connection with the "craziness" that's vital to my inner fire and spirit. I don't want to die a sad death, old and toothless in bed. I'd rather be the flame that started the fire, inspire and be inspired myself.

I guess it's all about to change. I've been given an ultimatum and its like my crazy dreams will never happen, as the rationality sets in. What's more, its worse to try and fight it. I can only try to have control over my life and hope that better doors open as a few doors close, maybe forever. I'd hate to give up, nor am I ready to face the sacrificial altar yet. "In order to gain something, one must lose something." But does it truly apply, when freedom of choice cannot be bartered with goodies or dealt with emotional blackmail? TO let go of something which you hold dear, in order to gain something that feels rather thrust upon you.


Another stereotype, "We are women, born to suffer." To that my inner goddess pouts, "I couldn't care less! Do see the light of the day for God's sake." All this gender discrimination and bias has got to me.

Meanwhile, I am "stealing" happy moments and spoils from the cookie jar. And never tickle a sleeping dragon if you can help it, because you never know when its gonna flame you like you're toast!

So, the Game is On...

Thursday, November 1, 2012

November '12

I have been on blogger since a year now (come last November) and I am pleasantly pleased to see the number of accumulated posts! Its quite refreshing to be able to assert yourself, the expression is quite intoxicating. I don't intend to stop.

I am honored to have people shower praise over my writing skills. One of the best comments that I've received so far, "You have the most eclectic writing style." My inner goddess was petted and mollified by this! :D There were a few readers who simply said that I should write a novel or publish in a magazine or column. I get the novel thing quite often, and my reply has always been, "One day..."


I thank them for their encouragement, and without whom, simply putting words to my thoughts - the insane ones, humorous ones, and the aggrieved ones would never have come to pass.

Thank you all!

Sent on my BlackBerry® from Vodafone

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Fifty Shades

I am still dazed from happening conversations, coquettish humor, laughter and a daily dose of sarcasm. Sipping on a choco mocha, my fingers glide over each button, as I click away to glory. I think I am high, it could be the sugar or the caffeine overload, my second cup of coffee so far. Mental images flash past my eyes and stay there only for seconds before I grasp them.

I am in an alternate universe, its just me and my thoughts here. Physics is all about space-time and not day-to-day events... Some thoughts linger only for nanoseconds, instincts and mental parodies. The subconscious is so hard to unearth. I see myself examining them as swiftly and as keenly as I would examine a strand of hair that is ever so slippery, delicate and brittle to the point of breakage.

I have finished reading "Fifty Shades Grey", I am now coursing my way through "Fifty Shades Freed".
The first book is rather dark, speaking of bodily things that have been illustrated with a kind of sensuality that only E.L. James has portrayed. Such a bold depiction of Fifty shades (i.e. Christian Grey) and his inner Demons, invokes the readers' sympathy of him. I will leave it to you to form an opinion on whether such books should be considered as literary genius or put simply, soft-porn.



Friday, October 26, 2012

The Lotus Touts

This is something that was sent to me as a forward message. It rings true. Felt that I had to share it. So here goes... Twenty snippets of advice on positivity - thinking, healing and living!


P.S. It has something to do with feng shui.



The Lotus Touts

  1. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
  2. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.
  3. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
  4. When you say, 'I love you,' mean it.
  5. When you say, 'I'm sorry,' look the person in the eye.
  6. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
  7. Believe in love at first sight.
  8. Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who don't have dreams don't have much.
  9. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.
  10. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
  11. Don't judge people by their relatives.
  12. Talk slowly but think quickly.
  13. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, 'Why do you want to know?'
  14. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
  15. Say 'bless you' when you hear someone sneeze.
  16. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
  17. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and Responsibility for all your actions.
  18. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
  19. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
  20. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
  21. Spend some time alone.

Thursday, October 25, 2012

The Fountain of Youth

Its been a joy-ride, a week filled with love, humor and sadness, all-in-one. I wonder at the time and the indomitable spirit to which it has brought me. Fate plays tricks indeed, when our wants are met with divine intervention and a hand that is mightier than ours, I am thankful.

I have been feasting, it could be the wonderful aroma of the cream and mushroom soup that I just made. Or it could be the "me-time" that I enjoy as much as family. It could also be the thrills and laughter at barbecues, or playing dress-up with cousins. Cutting birthday cakes and sloshing faces with whipped cream, which is again, ah so sweet.

Shopping is another entreaty, a reason to make the past few weeks even more memorable, going at it till dusk is yet another marvel. Quoting the adage, "Shop till you drop".

Or it could be the coffee that brews under slow boil and an enchanting spell as we share hour-long conversations, catching up on all things petty and magical. And then stooping for laughs as we see that old monkey by the road evading passers-by, wearing paisleys and a magician's top-hat.

Its a golden age, that's what I have been told. I don't ever want it to end. An aunt described it to me as the beginnings of a fire and likened it to the beauty of a flower when it has just begun to blossom. Its the fountain of youth, indeed.

"Youth is a beautiful dream, on whose brightness books shed a blinding dust. Will ever the day come when the wise link the joy of knowledge to youth's dream?... Too slow is our march toward spiritual elevation, because we make so little use of youth's ardor."
~ Kahlil Gibran

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Dreams... A "bucket list"!

Dreams, and what they're made of…
And why you should never let anyone shatter your dreams.


Checklist

THINGS TO DO BEFORE GETTING HITCHED

1. Bungee-jumping

2. Sky diving / deep sea diving

3. Sight seeing, travel continents and to go to far off places and explore the ways of nature.

4. Write a book, become a good writer one day.

5. Develop a taste for the culinary arts… "Mind over matter, palate over food."
(Can't believe I just made that up. Rofl. xxx)

6. Learn what mojo is all about, find my mojo.

7. Discover my spiritual-self. Embark on a journey that is adventurous as well as something to be learnt from.

8. Learn a new language, preferably German or Italiano.

9. Get a tattoo! And pierce my ears thrice…(three back-to-back piercings)

10. Get streax, deep purple locks of hair and carry it with zest.

11. Never grow too old for jokes and learn the art of being truly charming.

12. Study at a foreign country / institution for a year and work part-time.

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

On a Wednesday Morning...

Its a sunny morning and I am running late to college, again! The day started at 4:30 a.m. today. Weird, as I like my sleep. I'm an avid sleeper and foodie. Sleeping, talking and eating are the things that I am passionate about on a daily basis.
While I'm listening to Bon Jovi's "Always", a wreckingly beautiful song, my mind digs deeper and its all but melancholy. An energetic pumping of the heart. Am off to a wandering abode, and I rest my mind in a virtual reality. 
There's me besides a date palm and a golden-mauve beach, the sands reflecting time, nonetheless. And the sparkle of the ocean, reflecting day-light like tiny clusters of diamonds.
The track changes and trance music is playing and my thoughts change course, as swiftly as a river. They are now centered on the recent developments in my life. The moment of decision and the ignomy of it all. 
Life's beginning to feel rather like a "pressure cooker". Its all about fitting the mold and doing it "the proper way" so as to keep up appearances, be filled with propriety, knowing that you're determined to be incorrigible, a broken angel with emotions that can only change with time, tide or necessity. 
Rather nonchalant, I couldn't care less anymore and I'd rather go along with the ebb and force of a flowing river. 
It's Rihanna's "only girl in the world" and I am off to class now. Ciao...

Sunday, September 9, 2012

Yellow

The smell of cocoa and
vanilla with the distinct
oakiness and texture
of white cream, as I
rubbed it into my skin.
I had little to do, I was
Solitary and as I looked
at the night sky, the
tiny dots were yellow.
"Look at the stars, look
How they shine for you..."

Sunday, August 12, 2012

Payphone

"I'm at a payphone trying to call home
All of my change I spent on you
Where have the times gone, baby it's all wrong
Where are the plans we made for two?"

Having sultry thoughts in my head, as I ponder about the song, munching on a dil kush with coconut filling and the red and green tutti-fruit inside, it feels like ripe jelly for sometime now.

I recall the time when I had once felt like this song, it was a disarming feeling where nothing could ever make a difference anymore, or again. But here I am, testing my limits and experience... I don't want to talk about it further, as I am happy. There are times when you really feel it and Wiz Khalifa is the man for the job.

I am proud to say that I have a "striking" force in my personality, from an astrology point of view. I explored the natal chart to an extent that I can relate to my short-comings. Although I am not a firm believer in astrology, I like to relate to it, as it is fun, sometimes inaccurate with ribald humor. It says in my birth chart, that I am an Aries with a Leo moon and a Gemini ascendant-sign.

Being one with a Leo moon, I think I am fairly loyal and generous to close friends and family. Although I am supposed to be a bit "fickle", owing to the Gemini influence, I feel that passion perseveres in every sphere of my being. I am looking forward to do more reading and learn a bit more about the intricacies of the seven houses, their planets and concepts of being in conjunction, trine and sextile.

Saturday, August 11, 2012

The Scarlet Letter


Dear "Scarlet"

I am beginning to think, you're so my color! I was wrong to choose black over you in earnest. You're soo RED.... the hue of my lips when I bite them too much. You're the soul and color of love, the very expression of pain, passion and blood! Whoever chooses to undermine you and avoid you in their wardrobe is most definitely nuts... But I know where you're getting at, why am I writing this, eh?

I went shopping today and all that caught my eye was most definitely you... The warmth of you drew me like a moth to a flame. Eid is coming up on the 20th, and it's gonna be so nice then! I picked up up a pair of 1.5-inch heels, also red. And my outfit is deep red, a silky-satin flowing dress with caramel, olive green and grey embroidery at the bodice and at the hem of the anarkali churidar. It looks elegant, and I can hear the tiny murmur of netted embroidery and satin rubbing against each other, with the fall of gravity.

Apart from it, I brought a banarasi silk dress for which I have got great plans!
Golden embroidery over a red base and a plain salwar...and the border around the chunari makes it look classic, but not simply-old fashioned. It delights me... you're tailor-made to fit me! The only thing I regret is that I couldn't have done mom's eid shopping as well. I guess that's just for another time, another day.

Love
xxx

Friday, August 10, 2012

The Evil Pill

I feel like I have been to the other side of hell and back. Firstly, the ghastly weather and occasional out-pours have done everything to curb my spirit in both body and soul. I've been sickly. The bad timing could have led to something amiss. I'm not exaggerating when I say that it could've been my early demise. I was close to being run-over by a boisterous van with a rather stoned driver at the wheel, yesterday.

I medicated myself to an antibiotic and paracetamol. But before doing that, I first consulted mom who's a fully-fledged doc in the Middle East. The third pill onwards, I couldn't help but feel lethargic. I did observe fast despite being ill, I had woken up at 4 a.m. to consummate the saheri, without which fasting is simply void. And after the iftaar (which means 'break-fast' in rapid Arabic), I visited the local doctor who suggested me to discontinue the antibiotic, as they'd evoked diarrhea-like symptoms.

Erythromycin stearate (popularly available in doses of 500 mg), is a mild-antibiotic that has proved to be my undoing. I medicated myself under the notion that it could be the end of my worries. It cost me a day's worth of peace. Antibiotics are serious and messing with them is no hoopla indeed.

Apart from facing attitude and upsets every now and then, I couldn't care any less about it (oh yeah, a nincompoop still owes me a grand), the past week had me on the brighter side of town. And with caution in mind, I've explored whole new sides to people whom I had desisted earlier on. It's just the loyalty of buddies that has made it worth the while to me.

Saturday, August 4, 2012

Tangerine

They say, variety is the
spice of life.
I say, its often myriad,
a fine mix of cosmopolitan
views. Like an experiment
to fetch the most savory
drug out there. As
supple as an avocado,
Bitter to ripe as a grape-fruit,
or mellow as nectarine.
It could be acrid as smoke
Or sour as a tangerine.
Its more about having a taste
To preserve the flavor,
For all its worth.
And in the mind,
Its about developing
distastes, learning to
love the percussion
of rummaging sounds guide
and bestow grace upon you.
To blend the finest of
personal poisons,
A bay-leaf, or far yonder
the green grass and
stretches of cannabis.