On a Wednesday Morning...

Its a sunny morning and I am running late to college, again! The day started at 4:30 a.m. today. Weird, as I like my sleep. I'm an avid sleeper and foodie. Sleeping, talking and eating are the things that I am passionate about on a daily basis.

While I'm listening to Bon Jovi's "Always", a wreckingly beautiful song, my mind digs deeper and its all but melancholy. An energetic pumping of the heart. Am off to a wandering abode, and I rest my mind in a virtual reality. 

There's me besides a date palm and a golden-mauve beach, the sands reflecting time, nonetheless. And the sparkle of the ocean, reflecting day-light like tiny clusters of diamonds.
The track changes and trance music is playing and my thoughts change course, as swiftly as a river. They are now centered on the recent developments in my life. The moment of decision and the ignomy of it all. 

Life's beginning to feel rather like a "pressure cooker". Its all about fitting the mold and doing it "the proper way" so as to keep up appearances, be filled with propriety, knowing that you're determined to be incorrigible, a broken angel with emotions that can only change with time, tide or necessity. 

Rather nonchalant, I couldn't care less anymore and I'd rather go along with the ebb and force of a flowing river. 

It's Rihanna's "only girl in the world" and I am off to class now. Ciao...

Yellow

The smell of cocoa and
vanilla with the distinct
oakiness and texture
of white cream, as I
rubbed it into my skin.
I had little to do, I was
Solitary and as I looked
at the night sky, the
tiny dots were yellow.
"Look at the stars, look
How they shine for you..."

Payphone

"I'm at a payphone trying to call home
All of my change I spent on you
Where have the times gone, baby it's all wrong
Where are the plans we made for two?"

Having sultry thoughts in my head, as I ponder about the song, munching on a dil kush with coconut filling and the red and green tutti-fruit inside, it feels like ripe jelly for sometime now.

I recall the time when I had once felt like this song, it was a disarming feeling where nothing could ever make a difference anymore, or again. But here I am, testing my limits and experience... I don't want to talk about it further, as I am happy. There are times when you really feel it and Wiz Khalifa is the man for the job.

I am proud to say that I have a "striking" force in my personality, from an astrology point of view. I explored the natal chart to an extent that I can relate to my short-comings. Although I am not a firm believer in astrology, I like to relate to it, as it is fun, sometimes inaccurate with ribald humor. It says in my birth chart, that I am an Aries with a Leo moon and a Gemini ascendant-sign.

Being one with a Leo moon, I think I am fairly loyal and generous to close friends and family. Although I am supposed to be a bit "fickle", owing to the Gemini influence, I feel that passion perseveres in every sphere of my being. I am looking forward to do more reading and learn a bit more about the intricacies of the seven houses, their planets and concepts of being in conjunction, trine and sextile.

The Scarlet Letter

Dear "Scarlet"

I am beginning to think, you're so my color! I was wrong to choose black over you in earnest. You're soo RED.... the hue of my lips when I bite them too much. You're the soul and color of love, the very expression of pain, passion and blood! Whoever chooses to undermine you and avoid you in their wardrobe is most definitely nuts... But I know where you're getting at, why am I writing this, eh?

I went shopping today and all that caught my eye was most definitely you... The warmth of you drew me like a moth to a flame. Eid is coming up on the 20th, and it's gonna be so nice then! I picked up up a pair of 1.5-inch heels, also red. And my outfit is deep red, a silky-satin flowing dress with caramel, olive green and grey embroidery at the bodice and at the hem of the anarkali churidar. It looks elegant, and I can hear the tiny murmur of netted embroidery and satin rubbing against each other, with the fall of gravity.

Apart from it, I brought a banarasi silk dress for which I have got great plans!
Golden embroidery over a red base and a plain salwar...and the border around the chunari makes it look classic, but not simply-old fashioned. It delights me... you're tailor-made to fit me! The only thing I regret is that I couldn't have done mom's eid shopping as well. I guess that's just for another time, another day.

Love
xxx

The Evil Pill

I feel like I have been to the other side of hell and back. Firstly, the ghastly weather and occasional out-pours have done everything to curb my spirit in both body and soul. I've been sickly. The bad timing could have led to something amiss. I'm not exaggerating when I say that it could've been my early demise. I was close to being run-over by a boisterous van with a rather stoned driver at the wheel, yesterday.

I medicated myself to an antibiotic and paracetamol. But before doing that, I first consulted mom who's a fully-fledged doc in the Middle East. The third pill onwards, I couldn't help but feel lethargic. I did observe fast despite being ill, I had woken up at 4 a.m. to consummate the saheri, without which fasting is simply void. And after the iftaar (which means 'break-fast' in rapid Arabic), I visited the local doctor who suggested me to discontinue the antibiotic, as they'd evoked diarrhea-like symptoms.

Erythromycin stearate (popularly available in doses of 500 mg), is a mild-antibiotic that has proved to be my undoing. I medicated myself under the notion that it could be the end of my worries. It cost me a day's worth of peace. Antibiotics are serious and messing with them is no hoopla indeed.

Apart from facing attitude and upsets every now and then, I couldn't care any less about it (oh yeah, a nincompoop still owes me a grand), the past week had me on the brighter side of town. And with caution in mind, I've explored whole new sides to people whom I had desisted earlier on. It's just the loyalty of buddies that has made it worth the while to me.

Tangerine

They say, variety is the
spice of life.
I say, its often myriad,
a fine mix of cosmopolitan
views. Like an experiment
to fetch the most savory
drug out there. As
supple as an avocado,
Bitter to ripe as a grape-fruit,
or mellow as nectarine.
It could be acrid as smoke
Or sour as a tangerine.
Its more about having a taste
To preserve the flavor,
For all its worth.
And in the mind,
Its about developing
distastes, learning to
love the percussion
of rummaging sounds guide
and bestow grace upon you.
To blend the finest of
personal poisons,
A bay-leaf, or far yonder
the green grass and
stretches of cannabis.

Brain-waves

A pool of watery motion
Thoughts swirling in circles,
And more brain-waves,
Name your pick.
The sleepy ones, and the ones that
Resemble an inferno in the deep.

Keeping them to myself, the
Inner workings of my machine.
The cog-wheel turns now and
Does another round-about,
And back to pavilion it is.

Another stray thought, rather
the buzz of a fly, wanders thus
and takes a tour of my mind.
Nuisance, keeping me
from the mental abject of
calculus and then its all awry.

Wedding Bells...

Initially tempered with mixed feelings and speculation, I was looking forward to a dull weekend but little did I know that my aunt was getting married. :-P She's like my cousin in every other way, except for the way we're related to one another.

It had turned out to be a elegant affair, grandeur and simplicity in each and every aspect of it. A few things were rather hush-hush, done in a hurry but that's because of the lack of time that had been available for the preparations. It was a simple nikah with the closest few family members having been present.

I wore an emerald-green anarkali churidar with shimmery golden sleeves and a delicate embroidery to it. But my attire was nothing compared to the bride's resplendent ghagra-choli. The dress was a pastel shade of blue and decked with pearls and crystals every inch of way. She glowed when she put it on, and it complimented her skin-tone perfectly.

Will update more shortly.

Freedom

It’s the end of yet another academic year and with it comes the countdown to the 7th semester. Another year to go and whoa, it doesn't seem like much to me! The days will pass by like a wave, with smooth sailing and a bit of wind and jolty-currents here and about. Like a blissful sail towards a destination, rather like chasing dreams, realizations will strike us as we hand-in each test paper and snore through boring class hours with usual disdain, forgetting to yet live in the moments.

I was yet again reminded of the things we take for granted, our pocket-money for instance. Within a year, most of us will venture out of the protective embrace of our parents who have been providing for us, so that we can take control of our lives and hold our own in tough situations. Personally, I feel like a lab rat that has not yet seen the light of day since the beginning of evolution. In short, I couldn't be more excited. I am raring to go, to fly past the humdrum of impatient ‘schooling’ and this naïve, oh-my-I'm-still-a-student phase.

"He who loves, flies, runs, and rejoices; he is free and nothing holds him back."

~Henri Matisse

Imperfection

Sullen, as I type this, I break out in blotches. I resemble a prune.
It is imperfection that ails me, I'm quietly seething. And its the lack of constructive appeal that ails me. Over the past month, there has been hilarity, a set of ups and downs, and strangely piquing things that have spewed resentment.

I reflect on a few questions. If there was a recipe to cure my issues, I would have found it by now. I am but a wanderer, something of a nomad with some emotional damage. It's never easy, it makes me tired and not wanting to do the same thing again. I think of the possibilities and the feeling that comes with it. But then, who are others to label you as such?

I have things to do and accomplish and it's just not going to happen like this. Everything has earned its place in an abode of memories, a haven where I store them as collectibles.

I seek to be free of the guilt that comes with anything that's broken and can't be fixed. But there is a shadow of doubt too, it would eat me alive if ever the opportunity arose. Memories are like mirrors, for the more you look into them, the more you notice the little things, the subtler nuances.

"All the crazy shit I did tonight, they will be the best memories…"

Back After a Spell...

Its been a wholesome month with a couple of ups and downs. I picked a couple of hobbies like cooking, reading and chose to leisurely spend time on them. Yet, I was not entirely happy. It's the lack of something important, something that had gone awry (and still is) that bothers me.

Most of the days I couldn't "read" without consternation that marked the beginnings of early depression and mood swings. I was never perfect and I never thought I was a delicate, floral, floating angel sent down from heaven. I'd two horns and a devil's forked-tail where there ought to have been only a halo. I pulled through this defiant, frustrated state of being when I showed interest in something to do. I slept, ate, offered prayers and stuck to yoga and meditation on an almost-daily basis.

Coming to Sherlock, Season 2. The attention to detail in the role of the Dominatrix (the belgravian scandal) and operation H.O.U.N.D. (the hound of the baskervilles) is a very good direction indeed. The scenes are well executed and different from what Arthur Conan Doyle had originally intended. A modernized variant of Sherlock Holmes.

This season ends with Sherlock's run-in with Moriarty and his attempted manipulation with Sherlock's career. The last we see of the hero is his short appearance at the graveyard where "he" is buried. Watson pays his respects, sheds a few tears and leaves not knowing the real Sherlock is alive. Hats off to those death-defying stunts. I wonder how they're going to pull this through, explain they must. Awaiting Season 3.

The last of the Christopher Paolini books - "Inheritance" was a good read. The dragons and their riders, the elves, and all creatures foul and ethereal were central to the plot of the story. The ending was unlike the other books of love and lore that I'd read before. (Warning: Spoilers ahead). I was reminded of JKR and Tolkein. No doubt Paolini has been influenced by them, but he writes in a classy style, unique only to him.   

Eragon and Saphira take leave from a Galbatorix-free world of riches and recognition to train a brood of dragon eggs that have been stowed away and hidden in time. Sweet. Arya, the elf whom Eragon had taken to, becomes Queen to elvish-folk, the demise of Queen Islanzadi in the great battle leads to this. And a third dragon egg hatches and changes are introduced in the governing of the peoples.  

And coming to the semester results which were on the !3th (unlucky day indeed), they were abysmal but I cleared all... I will update more soon. It's getting rather difficult with a limited connectivity. I can't blog avidly from a blackberry. They should introduce BB blogging app's as well, its only available on android these days. :/

So till the next time, may the Force be with you. *facepalm*

Annoyance

The buzz of a bee
the crackle of thunder
the itch of sarcasm
and the grinding of teeth.

A disease of the mind,
Thou better watch thy word
'lest speech shalt ensnare
further trouble,

Reprimand thyself
before solitude behold.
For exalted thought
and fair action
will ease thy being.

This song by Jessie echoes uncertainty and loss of oneself, which is what happens after a bad mood "swing" passes. I think this song can literally suggest a girl's inner-self, the side which she normally doesn't let the outside world see. It is a manifestation of our very own thought processes.

"Don't lose who you are 

in the blur of the stars..."

The tassel's worth the hassle!

The last two days at college have been busy. At home, it usually ends with me chilling by some good music or occasionally watching sitcoms on television. I stay awake at night and go through weird feelings of unpreparedness on what tomorrow would turn out to be like. It could be the exam fever, where the natural body response triggers a surge of hormones, as a result of which we feel stressed and irritable at all things trivial, subconsciously.

Today, being the last working day of the 6th semester (for me), I watched seniors gaily getting their transcripts and wading through unexpected formalities which always turn out to be many. They'd gone through four years of hell - tests, exams, classes and tons of new-found memories before us. I wonder what my state of mind will be on this very day, next year.

The graduation day, aka "the kicking out ceremony" was an event which witnessed each of them in bright, splendid colored fabrics, a bespectacle of shine and glamour, decked-up prettiness, of heads held high and shoulders squared with pride and emotion. Adorned in variegated shades of pink, reds and blues, the dainty ladies walked in excited, little steps. While the Men In Black, the brooding lot who dressed alike seemed composed and "in their skin".

I'm done with attendance issues, pending formalities and presentations that were due this week.
Semester End Exams down the line. Some of the best laid plans don't really work nor do things turn out the way you want it to. A common recipe for disaster is always a presumptive-ness falling short of the required efforts to meet the said goal. I'm off to do the required now and will probably update more Wednesday.

The following track is an upbeat number that makes me happily skip to its beats. Its a lot different from the kind of music we hear everyday. I hope you enjoy it too!

Whistle

Its another holiday, the 1st of May.... and I'm hooked to the new Flo Rida track, "whistle". Its so upbeat and lively that I've been listening to it on repeat for an hour. I did download a version of the song on the net which didn't live up to the quality of the original soundtrack. I guess I'd have to wait till better ones are out in the market. The lyrics of the song are explicit in the sexual sense but irrespective of that, I liked the song's command over the senses. And hats off to great music.
Loved it. :D

Flo Rida's thick, manly Black drawl going,

"Can you blow my whistle baby whistle baby

Let me know...."

The new installment from Coldplay, "Mylo Xyloto" (their move into the pop genre) - maybe that's why they ended up with such a weird name for their album. [Note: it released way back in 2011.] I loved Paradise, Charlie Brown, Princess of China and some of the other tracks.

Coming to the Red Hot Chili Peppers, a recent hit is "the Adventures of Rain Dance Maggie". The music is somber but not sad, and by the sounds of it, it's been sung in a patronizing tone, LOL. For those of you who'd protest, that's what makes it so different from the rest of the music out there. Its a good song yet the beats aren't soothing, a damper if you're not in the mood for it.

Another song I love is "Somebody That I Used to Know" by Kimbra. The video is very artsy, the nude man represents his own mental state (of oblivion). There is simplicity in the video, the colors used makes it brightly visual, depicting an emotional moment between the estranged guy and the girl who dumps him, quite inconsiderately.

Lights out ... aaaand there's another power cut. Till the next time then, ciao.

Temple of Thought...

The musings of a cynic...
the parody of a sinner
the reaper of Gains
a game amongst the shady
a carnival of troupe dancers
gaily fortunes and if
truth be told,
the sand and stone ......
't all turns but dusty.

(This was my status update on FB,
and I thought I'd share it as I'd written it,
Not quite so long ago.)

Been listening to the Album "Temple of Thought" by Poets of the Fall.
They're as colorful as ever, with "Skin" and "The Ballad of Jermiah Peacekeeper" being soulful, and personally my favorites. Apart from that I've finished watching Supernatural, Season 5. The surprising twists toward the end ensured that I watched it with fully wide-open eyes, quite aghast. I love it. =D

Hoped for a bit more of the demon-angel war and was disappointed with a few episodes of Season 6. Lost interest. The plot had been manipulated and stretched so much that one couldn't expect more outta it anyway. LOL. Yet to start watching "the Big Bang Theory" from scratch. Too lazy. So, shall cross that off my list too.

X - Attended a National Conference on Olfaction and E-nose, held in college.

X - Done with a Health Diagnostic report on HIV-AIDS, quoting references aka. bibliography.

X - Collected two research papers and gotta peruse them for the sake of a presentation.
One article is on the characterization of Jatropha (a biodiesel plant) based on molecular markers, and the other one on Olive cultivars using DNA-based marker selection.

Coming to the recent advances in my personal life, setting aside the professional bit of it - I've been on the edge, an orchestra of highs and lows, of symphonies and sharply quivering, alarming noises. Much so, due to the clashes and difference in opinion with near and dear ones, I regret it.

This one's for you Mom -

"that you're standing behind every word you say
To make my day slowly dawning
I want you to know you're the heart of my temple of thought..."

Turning 21

I was annoyed as i looked back at an inconsequential (or more rather, a shitty day) ...

A distinct cranky feeling arose from a bored nap in the library. The setting sun was a blinding gleam in the sky, and a sudden tide of dizziness and heat chafed me further. Slowly, I slipped into a cancerous crab-like shell of unspoken words and suppressed actions.

I had gotten red streaks in my hair and people told me it looked Sex-ay! I was enthused with compliments, but now I'd tied it into a messy pony-tail which defied the earlier perfectionism. I walked out of the library with an expression on my face as if someone had salted my tea, and poured it down my throat!  

Half an hour later, when I was almost about to reach home... I waited along the side walk - I'd run out of fuel to rev up the engine farther, to get closer to home.

I was dejected with mostly everything in sight, it was a primal instinct. From the muddy fur on my dog's back to the very roots of my hair, I was pissed, quite inwardly. The earliness or the lateness of it didn't bother me, what mattered more was how I'd exorcise a bleeding temper (my own) or make something of it.... turning 21 years old, is a hard game to live for a cynic!

Mari...juana'

It's another brilliant Sunday, an ideally sweltering weather, where most of us are getting baked in this gigantic torpedo of hot air, blowing from every direction, in cascades 'round pillars and flag poles - all happening in slow motion.

Its getting warmer and warmer, and there are water-melon stalls down every street. I've not stepped out of the house even for a cool drink. Thinking of that, it gets me thirsty.

I was reading up on marijuana, as i was ever so curious about the carnage of health effects that this weed caused. I came across varying depictions on how weed, like tobacco causes similar problems and is aflout with carcinogens, more so than cigarette (some studies have claimed). The risk of heart attack is increased, and the pulse rate is higher upon smoking of weed. It lowers the systemic immunity of the body to make it more susceptible to infectious attacks and sexual fertility is reduced but doesn't render people completely barren.

THC in weed is the key ingredient responsible for the effects it produces. And the best way to extract the THC's is through the use of a vaporizer. Weed can be smoked through sheesha or a bong, cooked, baked and eaten in brownies, or can be used to make tea quite innocuously.

Much of the effects of this magical, ethereal, mystical drug is yet unknown. But the basic idea is that it destroys brain cells (which is a significant risk for children under 22 years of age), distorts perception of reality, and the common mundane things that more or less we know of.

Marijuana is legalized in Canada and is valued medicinally, and in terminal patients, to reduce their feeling of pain. It stimulates sense of hearing, smell, taste and touch. Ancient mystics and civilizations used this wonder drug in their rituals and day-to-day practices, for general well-being and relaxation. And it is said to improve creativity in some people, such as in writing and other works of art.

Domino

After finishing with the presentation that was due today, I realized that I must take some time out to reflect on the disparities in my imperative day-to-day indulgences, no matter how obscure. In short, I'd forgotten to stop and smell the roses, to let the waft of delicious, succulent imagination and creamy thoughts linger awhile... like they used to.
Rather like a fresh, medium-rare, pepper steak still flaming hot and fresh off the platter, with the greens, mashed potatoes and pepper sauce! Sounds simply yummy, I know...

The past few weeks have been unforgettable, of celebrations and roller-coaster rides to the moon and back again! Excitement has lurked at every corner and things have been hot and happenstance....
I've never stared off into space to "dream", its a jolly good world out there to visit, explore and have an amazing adventure....

Take me out like I'm a Domino!  <3 <3

Summer

A warm breath of fresh air,
Solace in the weather
The blaze of sunshine,
And a hint of fizz for
The feverishly parched.

Cedar juice with a
Gleam of champagne,
And a dancing dollop,
Of Vanilla, and two
Shots of cream...

Sipping a tantalizing appy-fizz in the heat of the summer, it feels ever so refreshing!
It's a furnace out there and within the confines of a shelter, it's like I'm being microwaved inside. Or just experiencing a bit of preheat in the oven.

I am not only sprouting boils by the heat, but also seething from within. And the rising temperature is only making it harder for me to think clearly. Brrrrrrr.

Journal

3rd February, 8:00 PM

Listening to a repertoire of 2000's most sassy music, "Lady (hear me tonight)" while sipping chilled 7 Seasons Mixed Fruit...

Indus. Indus. Indus. An overpowering dream of magnificent trees that lined the pavement to the girls' hostel. The white buildings, the ever-spreading green meadows, the smell of freshly-mowed grass, the earthy feel of the beautifully landscaped architecture of Indus...

And suddenly, I recall the times spent with my peers on the balcony overlooking the staff quarters, the explosion of giggles, the storms, girly pajama parties, squabbles, gossip nights - the charm and the glamor of those days. It had a quaint charm to it, like the warmth of the fireplace near the hearth.

Here's to my Sassy Sassy Indus Girls..

Love you all! May the Indus Eaglets soar the skies with their Might....