Brain-waves

A pool of watery motion
Thoughts swirling in circles,
And more brain-waves,
Name your pick.
The sleepy ones, and the ones that
Resemble an inferno in the deep.

Keeping them to myself, the
Inner workings of my machine.
The cog-wheel turns now and
Does another round-about,
And back to pavilion it is.

Another stray thought, rather
the buzz of a fly, wanders thus
and takes a tour of my mind.
Nuisance, keeping me
from the mental abject of
calculus and then its all awry.

Wedding Bells...

Initially tempered with mixed feelings and speculation, I was looking forward to a dull weekend but little did I know that my aunt was getting married. :-P She's like my cousin in every other way, except for the way we're related to one another.

It had turned out to be a elegant affair, grandeur and simplicity in each and every aspect of it. A few things were rather hush-hush, done in a hurry but that's because of the lack of time that had been available for the preparations. It was a simple nikah with the closest few family members having been present.

I wore an emerald-green anarkali churidar with shimmery golden sleeves and a delicate embroidery to it. But my attire was nothing compared to the bride's resplendent ghagra-choli. The dress was a pastel shade of blue and decked with pearls and crystals every inch of way. She glowed when she put it on, and it complimented her skin-tone perfectly.

Will update more shortly.

Freedom

It’s the end of yet another academic year and with it comes the countdown to the 7th semester. Another year to go and whoa, it doesn't seem like much to me! The days will pass by like a wave, with smooth sailing and a bit of wind and jolty-currents here and about. Like a blissful sail towards a destination, rather like chasing dreams, realizations will strike us as we hand-in each test paper and snore through boring class hours with usual disdain, forgetting to yet live in the moments.

I was yet again reminded of the things we take for granted, our pocket-money for instance. Within a year, most of us will venture out of the protective embrace of our parents who have been providing for us, so that we can take control of our lives and hold our own in tough situations. Personally, I feel like a lab rat that has not yet seen the light of day since the beginning of evolution. In short, I couldn't be more excited. I am raring to go, to fly past the humdrum of impatient ‘schooling’ and this naïve, oh-my-I'm-still-a-student phase.

"He who loves, flies, runs, and rejoices; he is free and nothing holds him back."

~Henri Matisse

Imperfection

Sullen, as I type this, I break out in blotches. I resemble a prune.
It is imperfection that ails me, I'm quietly seething. And its the lack of constructive appeal that ails me. Over the past month, there has been hilarity, a set of ups and downs, and strangely piquing things that have spewed resentment.

I reflect on a few questions. If there was a recipe to cure my issues, I would have found it by now. I am but a wanderer, something of a nomad with some emotional damage. It's never easy, it makes me tired and not wanting to do the same thing again. I think of the possibilities and the feeling that comes with it. But then, who are others to label you as such?

I have things to do and accomplish and it's just not going to happen like this. Everything has earned its place in an abode of memories, a haven where I store them as collectibles.

I seek to be free of the guilt that comes with anything that's broken and can't be fixed. But there is a shadow of doubt too, it would eat me alive if ever the opportunity arose. Memories are like mirrors, for the more you look into them, the more you notice the little things, the subtler nuances.

"All the crazy shit I did tonight, they will be the best memories…"

Back After a Spell...

Its been a wholesome month with a couple of ups and downs. I picked a couple of hobbies like cooking, reading and chose to leisurely spend time on them. Yet, I was not entirely happy. It's the lack of something important, something that had gone awry (and still is) that bothers me.

Most of the days I couldn't "read" without consternation that marked the beginnings of early depression and mood swings. I was never perfect and I never thought I was a delicate, floral, floating angel sent down from heaven. I'd two horns and a devil's forked-tail where there ought to have been only a halo. I pulled through this defiant, frustrated state of being when I showed interest in something to do. I slept, ate, offered prayers and stuck to yoga and meditation on an almost-daily basis.

Coming to Sherlock, Season 2. The attention to detail in the role of the Dominatrix (the belgravian scandal) and operation H.O.U.N.D. (the hound of the baskervilles) is a very good direction indeed. The scenes are well executed and different from what Arthur Conan Doyle had originally intended. A modernized variant of Sherlock Holmes.

This season ends with Sherlock's run-in with Moriarty and his attempted manipulation with Sherlock's career. The last we see of the hero is his short appearance at the graveyard where "he" is buried. Watson pays his respects, sheds a few tears and leaves not knowing the real Sherlock is alive. Hats off to those death-defying stunts. I wonder how they're going to pull this through, explain they must. Awaiting Season 3.

The last of the Christopher Paolini books - "Inheritance" was a good read. The dragons and their riders, the elves, and all creatures foul and ethereal were central to the plot of the story. The ending was unlike the other books of love and lore that I'd read before. (Warning: Spoilers ahead). I was reminded of JKR and Tolkein. No doubt Paolini has been influenced by them, but he writes in a classy style, unique only to him.   

Eragon and Saphira take leave from a Galbatorix-free world of riches and recognition to train a brood of dragon eggs that have been stowed away and hidden in time. Sweet. Arya, the elf whom Eragon had taken to, becomes Queen to elvish-folk, the demise of Queen Islanzadi in the great battle leads to this. And a third dragon egg hatches and changes are introduced in the governing of the peoples.  

And coming to the semester results which were on the !3th (unlucky day indeed), they were abysmal but I cleared all... I will update more soon. It's getting rather difficult with a limited connectivity. I can't blog avidly from a blackberry. They should introduce BB blogging app's as well, its only available on android these days. :/

So till the next time, may the Force be with you. *facepalm*

Annoyance

The buzz of a bee
the crackle of thunder
the itch of sarcasm
and the grinding of teeth.

A disease of the mind,
Thou better watch thy word
'lest speech shalt ensnare
further trouble,

Reprimand thyself
before solitude behold.
For exalted thought
and fair action
will ease thy being.

This song by Jessie echoes uncertainty and loss of oneself, which is what happens after a bad mood "swing" passes. I think this song can literally suggest a girl's inner-self, the side which she normally doesn't let the outside world see. It is a manifestation of our very own thought processes.

"Don't lose who you are 

in the blur of the stars..."

The tassel's worth the hassle!

The last two days at college have been busy. At home, it usually ends with me chilling by some good music or occasionally watching sitcoms on television. I stay awake at night and go through weird feelings of unpreparedness on what tomorrow would turn out to be like. It could be the exam fever, where the natural body response triggers a surge of hormones, as a result of which we feel stressed and irritable at all things trivial, subconsciously.

Today, being the last working day of the 6th semester (for me), I watched seniors gaily getting their transcripts and wading through unexpected formalities which always turn out to be many. They'd gone through four years of hell - tests, exams, classes and tons of new-found memories before us. I wonder what my state of mind will be on this very day, next year.

The graduation day, aka "the kicking out ceremony" was an event which witnessed each of them in bright, splendid colored fabrics, a bespectacle of shine and glamour, decked-up prettiness, of heads held high and shoulders squared with pride and emotion. Adorned in variegated shades of pink, reds and blues, the dainty ladies walked in excited, little steps. While the Men In Black, the brooding lot who dressed alike seemed composed and "in their skin".

I'm done with attendance issues, pending formalities and presentations that were due this week.
Semester End Exams down the line. Some of the best laid plans don't really work nor do things turn out the way you want it to. A common recipe for disaster is always a presumptive-ness falling short of the required efforts to meet the said goal. I'm off to do the required now and will probably update more Wednesday.

The following track is an upbeat number that makes me happily skip to its beats. Its a lot different from the kind of music we hear everyday. I hope you enjoy it too!

Whistle

Its another holiday, the 1st of May.... and I'm hooked to the new Flo Rida track, "whistle". Its so upbeat and lively that I've been listening to it on repeat for an hour. I did download a version of the song on the net which didn't live up to the quality of the original soundtrack. I guess I'd have to wait till better ones are out in the market. The lyrics of the song are explicit in the sexual sense but irrespective of that, I liked the song's command over the senses. And hats off to great music.
Loved it. :D

Flo Rida's thick, manly Black drawl going,

"Can you blow my whistle baby whistle baby

Let me know...."

The new installment from Coldplay, "Mylo Xyloto" (their move into the pop genre) - maybe that's why they ended up with such a weird name for their album. [Note: it released way back in 2011.] I loved Paradise, Charlie Brown, Princess of China and some of the other tracks.

Coming to the Red Hot Chili Peppers, a recent hit is "the Adventures of Rain Dance Maggie". The music is somber but not sad, and by the sounds of it, it's been sung in a patronizing tone, LOL. For those of you who'd protest, that's what makes it so different from the rest of the music out there. Its a good song yet the beats aren't soothing, a damper if you're not in the mood for it.

Another song I love is "Somebody That I Used to Know" by Kimbra. The video is very artsy, the nude man represents his own mental state (of oblivion). There is simplicity in the video, the colors used makes it brightly visual, depicting an emotional moment between the estranged guy and the girl who dumps him, quite inconsiderately.

Lights out ... aaaand there's another power cut. Till the next time then, ciao.

Temple of Thought...

The musings of a cynic...
the parody of a sinner
the reaper of Gains
a game amongst the shady
a carnival of troupe dancers
gaily fortunes and if
truth be told,
the sand and stone ......
't all turns but dusty.

(This was my status update on FB,
and I thought I'd share it as I'd written it,
Not quite so long ago.)

Been listening to the Album "Temple of Thought" by Poets of the Fall.
They're as colorful as ever, with "Skin" and "The Ballad of Jermiah Peacekeeper" being soulful, and personally my favorites. Apart from that I've finished watching Supernatural, Season 5. The surprising twists toward the end ensured that I watched it with fully wide-open eyes, quite aghast. I love it. =D

Hoped for a bit more of the demon-angel war and was disappointed with a few episodes of Season 6. Lost interest. The plot had been manipulated and stretched so much that one couldn't expect more outta it anyway. LOL. Yet to start watching "the Big Bang Theory" from scratch. Too lazy. So, shall cross that off my list too.

X - Attended a National Conference on Olfaction and E-nose, held in college.

X - Done with a Health Diagnostic report on HIV-AIDS, quoting references aka. bibliography.

X - Collected two research papers and gotta peruse them for the sake of a presentation.
One article is on the characterization of Jatropha (a biodiesel plant) based on molecular markers, and the other one on Olive cultivars using DNA-based marker selection.

Coming to the recent advances in my personal life, setting aside the professional bit of it - I've been on the edge, an orchestra of highs and lows, of symphonies and sharply quivering, alarming noises. Much so, due to the clashes and difference in opinion with near and dear ones, I regret it.

This one's for you Mom -

"that you're standing behind every word you say
To make my day slowly dawning
I want you to know you're the heart of my temple of thought..."

Turning 21

I was annoyed as i looked back at an inconsequential (or more rather, a shitty day) ...

A distinct cranky feeling arose from a bored nap in the library. The setting sun was a blinding gleam in the sky, and a sudden tide of dizziness and heat chafed me further. Slowly, I slipped into a cancerous crab-like shell of unspoken words and suppressed actions.

I had gotten red streaks in my hair and people told me it looked Sex-ay! I was enthused with compliments, but now I'd tied it into a messy pony-tail which defied the earlier perfectionism. I walked out of the library with an expression on my face as if someone had salted my tea, and poured it down my throat!  

Half an hour later, when I was almost about to reach home... I waited along the side walk - I'd run out of fuel to rev up the engine farther, to get closer to home.

I was dejected with mostly everything in sight, it was a primal instinct. From the muddy fur on my dog's back to the very roots of my hair, I was pissed, quite inwardly. The earliness or the lateness of it didn't bother me, what mattered more was how I'd exorcise a bleeding temper (my own) or make something of it.... turning 21 years old, is a hard game to live for a cynic!

Mari...juana'

It's another brilliant Sunday, an ideally sweltering weather, where most of us are getting baked in this gigantic torpedo of hot air, blowing from every direction, in cascades 'round pillars and flag poles - all happening in slow motion.

Its getting warmer and warmer, and there are water-melon stalls down every street. I've not stepped out of the house even for a cool drink. Thinking of that, it gets me thirsty.

I was reading up on marijuana, as i was ever so curious about the carnage of health effects that this weed caused. I came across varying depictions on how weed, like tobacco causes similar problems and is aflout with carcinogens, more so than cigarette (some studies have claimed). The risk of heart attack is increased, and the pulse rate is higher upon smoking of weed. It lowers the systemic immunity of the body to make it more susceptible to infectious attacks and sexual fertility is reduced but doesn't render people completely barren.

THC in weed is the key ingredient responsible for the effects it produces. And the best way to extract the THC's is through the use of a vaporizer. Weed can be smoked through sheesha or a bong, cooked, baked and eaten in brownies, or can be used to make tea quite innocuously.

Much of the effects of this magical, ethereal, mystical drug is yet unknown. But the basic idea is that it destroys brain cells (which is a significant risk for children under 22 years of age), distorts perception of reality, and the common mundane things that more or less we know of.

Marijuana is legalized in Canada and is valued medicinally, and in terminal patients, to reduce their feeling of pain. It stimulates sense of hearing, smell, taste and touch. Ancient mystics and civilizations used this wonder drug in their rituals and day-to-day practices, for general well-being and relaxation. And it is said to improve creativity in some people, such as in writing and other works of art.

Domino

After finishing with the presentation that was due today, I realized that I must take some time out to reflect on the disparities in my imperative day-to-day indulgences, no matter how obscure. In short, I'd forgotten to stop and smell the roses, to let the waft of delicious, succulent imagination and creamy thoughts linger awhile... like they used to.
Rather like a fresh, medium-rare, pepper steak still flaming hot and fresh off the platter, with the greens, mashed potatoes and pepper sauce! Sounds simply yummy, I know...

The past few weeks have been unforgettable, of celebrations and roller-coaster rides to the moon and back again! Excitement has lurked at every corner and things have been hot and happenstance....
I've never stared off into space to "dream", its a jolly good world out there to visit, explore and have an amazing adventure....

Take me out like I'm a Domino!  <3 <3

Summer

A warm breath of fresh air,
Solace in the weather
The blaze of sunshine,
And a hint of fizz for
The feverishly parched.

Cedar juice with a
Gleam of champagne,
And a dancing dollop,
Of Vanilla, and two
Shots of cream...

Sipping a tantalizing appy-fizz in the heat of the summer, it feels ever so refreshing!
It's a furnace out there and within the confines of a shelter, it's like I'm being microwaved inside. Or just experiencing a bit of preheat in the oven.

I am not only sprouting boils by the heat, but also seething from within. And the rising temperature is only making it harder for me to think clearly. Brrrrrrr.

Journal

3rd February, 8:00 PM

Listening to a repertoire of 2000's most sassy music, "Lady (hear me tonight)" while sipping chilled 7 Seasons Mixed Fruit...

Indus. Indus. Indus. An overpowering dream of magnificent trees that lined the pavement to the girls' hostel. The white buildings, the ever-spreading green meadows, the smell of freshly-mowed grass, the earthy feel of the beautifully landscaped architecture of Indus...

And suddenly, I recall the times spent with my peers on the balcony overlooking the staff quarters, the explosion of giggles, the storms, girly pajama parties, squabbles, gossip nights - the charm and the glamor of those days. It had a quaint charm to it, like the warmth of the fireplace near the hearth.

Here's to my Sassy Sassy Indus Girls..

Love you all! May the Indus Eaglets soar the skies with their Might....

Astrology.. Over a Cuppa Coffee

I have always been interested in the celestial dance that happens between galaxies, and phenomena of the cosmos. Astrology- an imprecise, tell-tale branch of science is home to both vedic and western astrologers. In every newspaper column, we find a section dedicated to horoscopes, moon-sign readings (which appears weekly), the yearly forecast which is presented on new year's and can be perused gaily over a steaming mug of morning coffee.

Although many of us wouldn't follow ambiguous forecasts like "you shall have prosperity in business and good fortune today", and "the stars predict a romantic ...blah blah", we do sometimes get a kick out of reading it. And in many cases, the opposite of what's been said happens.

The basis of astrology lies within the realms of calculations and shifts in the constellations and positions of planets in our natal chart. A natal chart, or birth chart consists of eight houses, with a planet in each of them. The mystery, and the Question Mark is therefore inevitable - can phenomena in space be correlated to events like taking up business partnerships in the office, or meeting new friends?

I was once riding to college on a blissful morning when my daily horoscope predicted "a day of accidents, burns" for a typical Arian like me. I met with a zooming vehicle and had ligament tears in my left knee, save no fractures. From this, and the fact that horoscopes do give good-natured advice which shouldn't be ignored at times. They often advice us to save money for a rainy day, be careful in business dealings, health issuess; they also give mild advice on interpersonal relationships and what the future has in store for us.

Astronomy takes us way back in time, to the philosophers of yore, the Greeks - as they gazed the night-sky through self-made telescopes, thereby discovering the nine planets, which are accepted even today...

I still have a lot that interests me in astrology. Will write more shortly. Adeiu! 

Another Lazy Tuesday...

Today was another one of those mediocre days when you return home and blame the sultry heat, for putting you in a heavy slumber. Tick-tock, tick-tock. Chiming the stillness of time, as it sped up, slowed and stood still for brief moments and sped up my heartbeat for an eternity.

Another semester had approached at last. I was yet on "Page 1", a fresh scroll of parchment. With a feathered quill dipped in aquamarine bright blue ink, I gaily spotted a dot on the left-most margin of the page, where I was about to write another one of my philosophical Odyssey's.

My journey aka. voyage through student years has been insanely wild, having had a taste of everything, from dangerous water-sports to wild grass and escapades to places I had never been to before.

With a bit of remorse, sweet memoirs and hopeful curiosity, I dream of an other future - a promising one and probably more distant than the last, richer perspectives, of going places and scaling heights. I forever dream of longevity and stability in successes, from personal relationships to the sweet succor that a healthy profession brings to it.

SOP (the Statement of Purpose) is such a Gargantuan-three-lettered abbreviation, something to get scared of. I don't know where to start with, given my writer's block. One may call it absurd, seeing as I am better at putting down feelings on inanimate objects with just the right set of words. Aspirations at a new university is altogether a different one to write on, and to successfully charm the admissions officer. I would start by writing a mound of gibberish, and the reader would be "trolled". Yeah, I'd actually do that. LOL. 

On a serious note, I'd include a bit of light-hearted humor which would hopefully set me apart from the thousands of other aspiring students. Its all a play of words, a rhyme, a rollick. A play in the sand but it has to be Just the Right one.

Let's see how it goes, shall keep you posted!

Carnival

A litany, a wish, not for long.
Sweet emotion, running strong,
A heart beating under the shade
of a tree...
Olives, and of men and mice,
Thou hath not struck a pretty vice,
Carnivals of imagination, crystal balls loom,
Tarot of fortune, and a destiny of Bloom,
Grim beneath the blue moon,
Crowing at the time, none too soon.
Amid the reeking incense and flame,
And the woods creaking thy name,
thy name...

Say It Right.

Today must be one of those days when one feels stupid for doing the little things, for showering kindness on people who don't deserve it. I was among the one-of-a-kind, had-been-there-done-all-types. Ended up wishing a friend "happy new year" when they least expected it, and felt like a douche, probably for just the right reasons.

In the end, its a tiny voice at the back of our minds which ignores the fork-tailed alter ego screaming "*itch! for revenge".

When your will is broken
When it slips from your hands
When there's no time for joking
There's a hole in the plan...

An evil-minded serial-cheater once said to me, "When you're out of the game - there are no rules!"

Memorabilia "2011"

As the 2012-bells chime the beginning of another fresh start, I look down the memory lane...

This year has been a very memorable one, from the one prior to it and before. I will reminisce the time lived with great compassion and wist, like a mother dog licks her new born pups. I am equating it to that degree of memorabilia because of many opportunities, which were rarely missed or pursued with a winning streak, like that of a great race horse and triumphant cheers to the finish line.

November was a beautiful month, saving the weather and the over-zealous swarm of gladiators preparing to fight in an open arena. And they had me down by the knees, wondering on my twist of fate, but then again, destiny is a sly old bitch who f***s you in the face with an innocent expression. It all happens when you're caught devouring from a jar of cookies which probably, wasn't destined to be yours for the taking.

January was a month of settlement...to come to terms with the past. It brought about the flowering of a new bud, something like experiencing a world flower in a grain of sand. Come march, my birthday was rather special, spent at someone's wedding and appeasing those who didn't matter to me. Back then, I should have heeded the warning bells and felt the wet, brown kelp sliding through my fingers, slipping out of control.

At a time when it poured blood not rain, and bombshells were the symphony of the orchestra, I was rescued from the throes and brought to a safer land. Having grown in a defined new space, I got in touch with myself. Now that the safe haven where I had once run to be free of the chained devils is no more, I have sought the light and a way to carve a path for myself.

I would offer prayers and thank the Almighty, Allah to bestow upon me his mercy and blessings, and to watch over me as I sleep. And to shape my thoughts and dreams...haunting me no more with phobias and nightmares. Fearless. And to overcome the obstacles He chooses to sow in my way, as I move forward.

On a happier note, I propose cheers to the end of a chapter... And the beginning of a new year.

Psychedelic

Psychedelic, knew no bounds.
Caught in an euphoria of torment,
Limitless sarcasm of thoughts
Or actions, otherwise.
Deeper than blood, dripping pain.
God's alzheimer infecting the nerves.
Totality of a transgression,
A trespass upon my territorial
Denomination, I believed.

Sprunged from these wrecked remains,
Honest willful disdain blazoned,
Flowed to recumbent the Spirit of
A changeling, wild little play-mare.
Mighty heart, defined rules.
Sterner hands sought perspective
The Jungle welcomed all.

Stench of debauchery, had left its
Imprint on the beach, the
Sundown staining sands of time,
An immortal word, unforgiven.
Biding days, passing through
Towers and turrets, sand castles
A woman's dream, beclouded
Enigma amidst an olive branch
Poisoned, the masterstroke...